This time, I want to talk about "complaints"—something you'll inevitably run into when shopping, especially online, not just with succulents but in any store.

Personally, I've been shopping online for a long time—even since Amazon first launched! In the past, I've helped run official online stores for major manufacturers, handling customer complaints firsthand. More recently, I've started running my own small shop, which means I now receive customer feedback directly (and am entirely responsible for it!). Through these experiences, I've come to feel even more strongly that there are good complaints and bad complaints.

Of course, in most cases, even a "bad" complaint will get your request fulfilled. But if you keep making these kinds of complaints, it’s not just about getting your money back—it could genuinely have a huge impact on how happy or unhappy you end up in life. How you handle complaints can seriously affect your future happiness.

So, I’m writing this hoping you’ll keep these ideas in the back of your mind.

If you happen to recognize yourself in anything I write here, please don’t take offense—I’m not trying to single anyone out. But if something resonates with you, I hope it inspires some reflection.

At the Foundation

First, the big question: do you want to keep shopping at this store in the future, or is this a one-time deal? If you’re thinking, “I’m fine if it’s just this once,” then honestly, you can just click away—you don’t need any special tips to deal with stores you never plan to use again.

That Time a Mercari Seller Sent Me a Plant in Awful Condition—but I Ended Up Getting a Bonus

Mercari is full of all kinds of things, good and bad, but one time I spent a pretty substantial amount—one of those "taking the plunge" moments—on a succulent, and imagine how you'd feel if it arrived like this. "This is terrible." "What kind of person would sell something so bad?" "I want my money back!" "I should expose them on social media." ... I totally understand these reactions, but let’s pause and breathe. Is all of that really necessary—are those the right actions to take? What will you actually gain? Will the seller be motivated to do anything differently?

Here’s the message I actually sent to the seller when I received the item (by the way, it took 7 days after purchase to even get shipping confirmation—even though the sale listing said "ships in 4–7 days"):

The item arrived today. However, as shown in the photos I sent, all the plants are significantly etiolated. From experience, it seems like they must have been left in a dark place like inside a box for a week or two. I was really hoping for a quicker shipment after buying and was disappointed. Also, the packaging was just the plants placed directly in the box, and when shaken, the seedlings slid around and made noise inside. Luckily nothing was seriously damaged, but if things had gone differently, some leaves or points could easily have broken, and many people would consider this sufficient reason to make a formal complaint. Please consider an improvement for next time.

That’s it for my original message—no mention of wanting a return or demanding compensation. Yes, the condition was bad, but the plants were alive and could recover, so I felt it wasn’t worth making a big deal if I got nothing in return. But after sending this message, the seller replied & offered to "send another item as a form of compensation," and I accepted. Getting to this solution wasn’t exactly smooth: there was some back-and-forth, and things nearly escalated to involving Mercari’s support staff. Still, in the end, the seller delivered. I believe that being persistent in a constructive way and starting with a "good complaint" is what got us there.

The Type of Customer a Shop Owner Secretly Hopes Never to Work With Again

On the flip side, what if I had messaged things like, "This is terrible," "I can't believe you'd sell this," or "Give me my money back!"? As a shop owner, I can tell you exactly what happens—because I’ve received messages like that too.

Of course, there are legitimate reasons for customers to complain—sometimes the shop genuinely fell short. I'm no expert, so it's impossible to provide a truly flawless product every time. My product descriptions may be incomplete and unintentionally misleading. Since I sell living plants, I always note, "Please understand there may be minor variations in condition," but what counts as acceptable “variation” differs from person to person—so there are inevitably times when someone isn't satisfied. That’s why I try to respond to all such complaints. Still, the way you say something completely changes the outcome.

If someone messages, "The product was awful. It’s terrible. Refund me," you can probably understand the urge to instantly refund them and move on as quickly as possible. I would prioritize a smooth return—even if it costs me more—just to bring things to a close. When complaints come this way, what it reveals is a customer who hasn’t tried to understand the service quality or the realities behind shop operations, and more importantly, someone who likely won’t ever be satisfied with future orders. So if such a person were to order again, I’d honestly have to refuse, thinking, “We’ll never be able to meet your standards.”

On the other hand, when the shop receives a "good complaint" in the same situation, we *don’t even ask for the subpar product back* (we trust the customer, and honestly, a return would cost as much as the product is worth anyway). We’ll refund the full amount, and sometimes even send a coupon for next time. That’s how much our response changes. Because a “good complaint” gives us the chance to improve our service (it’s like a learning fee!). And I genuinely want you to shop with us again—so next time, I’ll go out of my way to ensure you receive the best possible plants.

So, What Is a Good Complaint?

What really makes a “good complaint”?

- The product didn’t meet their expectations—which means they had high expectations in the first place.
- They’re disappointed this time, but they *want* us to improve because they hope we’ll meet their expectations next time.

In short, it shows the customer still has hope and trust in the shop. As a shop owner, when I get that kind of feedback, I feel I absolutely cannot betray that trust.

Conversely, unless you take the time to communicate thoughtfully and sincerely, shops are unlikely to change. People are stubborn by nature; if you attack them, they just put up defenses. Unless you show you genuinely care about the recipient and their efforts, they probably won’t be willing to really listen.

Things to Keep in Mind When Shopping Online

I’ve been shopping online since webshops first became a thing, and what stands out most is the sheer convenience. With just a few taps on a smartphone, the things you want arrive on your doorstep days later. That "vending machine" feel is a huge plus, and I’m totally fine with people using my shop that way too. But the reality is, most online shops aren’t vending machines—real people are behind the scenes. We see the orders, hand-pick products, pack them, and send them by courier—all done by living, feeling humans. Harsh words can really sting, and thoughtful, constructive feedback can be moving. That’s something I always want to keep in mind.

In Summary

There’s a favorite quote from Akihiro Nishino—a business and marketing thinker I really admire: "If you want good service, be a good customer." People often say, “the customer is king” or even “the customer is a god.” While businesses are certainly grateful for their customers, the staff are human too. When someone acts entitled, it’s actually harder to deliver genuinely good service. In contrast, what inspires us to do our absolute best isn’t the customer’s status or money, but the respect and trust we feel toward them.

Although this article is about “how to make a good complaint,” the underlying attitude applies to all sorts of situations—not just with shops. For example, think about supervisors and employees, or parents and children. As a parent, it’s easy to focus only on your child’s faults and say, “Why can’t you do better? Get it together!” But if instead you hold back and say, “It’s disappointing because I know you can usually do better. What can we do next time to avoid this result? Is there anything I can help with?”—don’t you think your child is more likely to step up? Of course, this only works if you’ve built trust with them over time, but still…